


Confusion of a Starved Mind

by BoPeepWithNoSheep



Series: Of Cavernous Minds and Hollow Bodies [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cole also has an eating disorder, Dorian has an eating disorder, Eating Disorders, Gen, Human!Cole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoPeepWithNoSheep/pseuds/BoPeepWithNoSheep
Summary: Dorian’s hands shake, not an uncommon sight when Cole picks away at the feeble shields of his psyche and tugs upon his heartstrings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A loose continuation of my fic I wrote for the kink meme last year. Not so much as a sequel as a sister fic.

“A hole in my gut. Ravenous, hideous, monstrous. Consuming sanity and vomiting sustenance in equal measures. _‘Mama, I stole pastries from the kitchens.’_ The servants call you a magpie instead of peacock. Mother punishes for stealing, not for lying, not for _starving_. Bed without dinner, she doesn’t know the pit in your stomach grows and settles as the cookies go stale beneath your bed--” 

 

Dorian’s voice is sharp, biting and his eyes flicker wildly, “ _Cole!_ ” It is late enough that the library is nearly bare, only him and a few tranquil. Still, Leliana’s spies lurked in every corner and while he trusts the Nightingale with his life, his secrets are another matter entirely.

 

When he turns, a neat little pirouette no motions wasted despite his panic, his eyes settle on the blond boy. He is hatless, for once, and looks small and bare for it. Dorian is not entirely unused to his ramblings by this point, he had given permission before he quite realized how deeply the young spirit could delve. Sometimes it was fine, when the pain Cole tapped into was more fleeting. Wounds that had scabbed and scarred over years ago that stung when picked at but did not rip open and bleed anew.

 

Dorian’s hands shake, not an uncommon sight when Cole picks away at the feeble shields of his psyche and tugs upon his heartstrings. He opens his mouth again, to attempt to silence the newly humanized spirit but Cole plows through his attempt.

 

“It doesn’t _stop_. It ebbs and flows. Underwhelming, overwhelming on and on--How does it stop? I can’t _make_ it stop,” Dorian’s eyebrows arch at the boy’s fervent speech--It isn’t, the syntax is wrong now, no poetic musing that indicates the once-spirit is spinning a tale tugged from the mind of another. The emotion isn’t--It hits Dorian then, that the pain is his but it is not his _alone_.

 

“Cole,” Dorian starts cautiously, “Have you been--” His heart twinges, as the question sticks to the roof of his suddenly dry mouth. It is a question he dreaded so long, sometimes there is genuine concern, sometimes distaste. Few have asked, few have cared enough to asked, been observant enough to notice--How had Dorian not noticed? He knew the signs, greater yet he knew how to hide the signs.

 

His voice falters, softer now as he takes a step forward, his hand reaching out, “Cole, have you told anyone?” He isn’t brave enough to ask anything else, afraid it will trigger Cole into delving back into his own mind. He rationalizes that it’s for the better, Cole should not be tangling his own pain with Dorian’s, especially when Dorian isn’t even quite certain whether they do indeed share the _‘hole in their gut’_ as Cole so aptly described it.

 

His reply is a quick shake of the boy’s head, it is Cole’s turn now to lose control of his dexterity as his hands shake and his eyes clench shut. He wraps his arms around his middle, like a child sick with the flu. It sends a pang of worry through the mage, how far gone is Cole? Is this truly the same monster, the magicless demon that he himself faces at every meal? It does not matter, Dorian decides, because the look of anguish and utter loss on Cole’s face is too familiar for him to dismiss. When Cole finally speaks, his words confirm the mage’s fears.

 

“They don’t understand--They think that food is food but it _isn’t_. It slithers down my throat, like snakes, and leaves it’s poison. I don’t want it, it isn’t right. It doesn’t _feel_ right inside me.”

 

It is different, the self-hatred that fuels Dorian is missing in Cole but that _fear_ \--The feeling of wrongness permeating their bodies is nearly one and the same. “It doesn’t,” Dorian hesitates, he has never spoken to someone about this much less someone who could look into his mind if he attempted to tell any reassuring white lies, “It hurts, yes, but you can find ways around it.”

 

This isn’t the best advice, Dorian should tell the boy to eat--Should tell him that the lines in his face should not be so gaunt or that even as a rogue his steps should still have some weight to them if not any sound--but to attempt feels so wrong. If such things would have helped it’s likely Varric or Solas would have had Cole eating in no time. Furthermore, Dorian does not know how to heal Cole of this malady, he doesn’t even know how to heal himself, but he knows how to survive.

 

“It can be difficult--It _will_ be difficult, but I will help how I can.”

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I'll add anymore to this series--and if I do if it will take me another year to do so. However, if I do probably expect more Bull and Cole because I like both of them and I think both have the potential to help Dorian deal with his ED in entirely different way.


End file.
